Love language is the way people receive and express love in a relationship. Understanding the other persons love  language is vital to make them comfortable and feel loved. Specially, to people who feel unloved, expressing love in their language would do them much good. 

#1 Words of Affirmation

For those whose primary love language is Words of Affirmation, kind, encouraging, and appreciative words are essential to feeling loved.

Colossians 4:6 reminds us to let our conversations be gracious, adding that our words should be full of grace and encouragement.

Everything from simple compliments (“You look great today!”) to profound encouragement (“You’re one of the most thoughtful people I know”) falls into the words of affirmation category.

How do we speak words of life to each other?

Words of Praise

First, there are words of praise. Praise has to do with recognizing the other person’s accomplishments and commending them. All people do some things right. Look for these noble actions and reward them with verbal praise.

Two factors are important in giving words of praise:

1. Sincerity 

People are looking for people with integrity and authenticity. Words of praise is not flattery.

2. Praise specifics 

Sweeping general statements of praise such as “You did a good job cleaning your room” are seldom ever true. The truth is far more often found in the specifics. “You did a good job of getting the coffee stain out of the carpet.” 

Thanks for raking the leaves out of the side yard Saturday. It really looks nice.” These are the kinds of specific praises that ring true with the other person. Train yourself to look for specifics.

Words of Affection

Where praise focuses on the positive behavior of a person, affection focuses on the person themselves. It is verbally expressing positive regard for someone as a person.

Philemon 1:10 NLT

I appeal to you to show kindness to my child, Onesimus. I became his father in the faith while here in prison.

2 Timothy 1:4-5 NLT

I long to see you again (Word of affection), for I remember your tears as we parted. And I will be filled with joy when we are together again. 

[5] I remember your genuine faith (Word of praise / specific), for you share the faith that first filled your grandmother Lois and your mother, Eunice. And I know that same faith continues strong in you.

Words in the Presence of Others

Try affirming people in front of others. Words of affirmation speak louder when in front of others. For example, when Jesus praised the Roman Centurion for his great faith in front of the crowd in Luke 7:9, it made a powerful statement.

Typically when a person is deeply hurt by negative words, it is an indication that affirming words speak most deeply to the person’s emotional need for love

Words of affirmation is one of the five primary love languages. All people whose primary love language is this, need words of affirmation.

#2 Physical Touch

Physical Touch, such as hugs or holding hands, often communicates love more deeply than words. It conveys comfort and security, especially during difficult times.

In Acts 20:37-38, we see the power of touch when the elders of Ephesus embraced Paul with tears as they bid him farewell. Even Jesus used touch to heal and comfort. It’s a language that speaks volumes when words fail.

Factors to take care in physical touch:

The Time for Touching

Ecclesiastes 3:1,5 AMP

There is a season (a time appointed) for everything and a time for every delight and event or purpose under heaven— [5] A time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing.

Good actions taken at the wrong time often backfire. This is a difficult task for two reasons. First, timing is largely determined by the person’s mood. And second, the person’s mood is not always easy to figure out. Sometimes it is after we “make their move” and lovingly touch a person that we discover the person is in an “anti-touch mood.” But “difficult” does not mean impossible.

It is usually inappropriate to use the love language of physical touch when a person is angry.

On the other hand, there are many appropriate times for touching a person. One such occasion is when a person has succeeded in a major accomplishment. 

It may be any number of occasions: a victory on the athletic field, a successful piano recital, an exceptionally well-executed dance performance, taking baptism, the completion of a major paper for school, the passing of an algebra exam, the securing of a driver’s license. These are the times when the person is usually open to loving physical touch from others. 

Conversely, times of failure in a person’s life are also times for expressing the love language of physical touch. In the time of a failure, more than any amount of advices, all a person longs for is a warm hug from a loving person which we must never withhold from them.

The Place for Touching

As there is a time to touch and a time not to touch, there is also a place to touch and a place not to touch. Here it’s referred to geography—not sexuality.

Then where is the appropriate place to speak the love language of physical touch to your teenager?

Typically in the privacy of your own home or when you are alone with the person. Physical touch can be an effective communicator of emotional love when given in private or in the presence of immediate family members.

The Manner for Touching

There are numerous ways by which to express affection through physical touch. Hugs, kisses, back rubs, pats, tender touches, massages, and arm wrestling are all appropriate ways to speak the language of physical touch to a person.

The language of physical touch spoken at the right time in the right place and in the right manner speaks deeply to the teenage soul. Physical touch says,

• I recognize you as a person of importance.
• I’m with you.
• I care about you. I love you.

#3 Quality Time

In Acts 8:26-40, we see Philip spending quality time with the Ethiopian eunuch. He not only explained the scriptures but also baptized him, demonstrating a significant investment of time.

Unlike Words of Affirmation or Physical Touch, the love language of Quality Time is often harder to practice for one simple reason: it demands time. A meaningful touch can happen in seconds, and words of affirmation take just moments to say, but quality time requires a more substantial investment—sometimes hours.

In Acts 10, Peter spent quality time with Cornelius and his household, not only sharing the Gospel but also staying with them, further deepening the relationship through his presence.

Luke 24:28-30 (NLT) recounts how the disciples in Emmaus asked Jesus to stay with them, and He did, sharing a meal and breaking bread with them. This moment of shared time strengthened their connection and understanding of Him.

Genesis 5:24 (KJV) tells us, “And Enoch walked with God: and he was not; for God took him.” This signifies a close, continual fellowship with God, reflecting the essence of Quality Time.

Be There, Really There

The core of quality time is togetherness, not just physical proximity. It means being “in touch” with the person—making them feel like they are the center of your attention.

In Matthew 26:37-41 (NLT), when Jesus took Peter, James, and John with Him to pray in the Garden of Gethsemane, He sought their companionship in His anguish. However, their failure to stay awake and pray with Him illustrated the difference between being physically near but emotionally disconnected—an absence of true quality time.

Quality Conversation

One of the main “dialects” of quality time is quality conversation. While Words of Affirmation focus on what is being said, quality conversation focuses on what is being heard. It involves truly listening to the other person, engaging in a meaningful exchange of ideas and feelings.

How to Have a Quality Conversation:

• Maintain eye contact: This shows that you are fully engaged.
• Don’t multitask: Give your undivided attention.
• Listen for feelings: Pay attention not just to the words but also the emotions behind them.
• Observe body language: Non-verbal cues are essential in understanding the full message.
• Refuse to interrupt: Let the other person finish their thoughts.
• Ask reflective questions: These questions help deepen the conversation and show you are engaged.
• Express understanding: Paraphrase what the other person has said to confirm understanding.
• Ask permission to share your perspective: Ensure they feel heard before offering your own thoughts.

Learning to Talk

Effective communication during quality conversations requires learning to speak “with” rather than “at” someone. This means focusing on dialogue rather than a monologue.

• Use ‘I’ statements instead of ‘you’ statements: Saying “I feel” instead of “You always” opens the door for further discussion, while ‘you’ statements often put people on the defensive.
• Teach instead of preach: Instead of imposing your opinion, offer it with humility and explanation. Replace “Because I said so” with “Let me explain why I think this.”

Mastering the art of quality time—especially through quality conversation—builds stronger connections, enhances understanding, and fosters deep emotional bonds. It’s one of the most meaningful ways to show someone that you care about them.

#4 Acts of Service

Loving service is distinct from slavery or duty. Slavery is imposed from the outside and often done with reluctance, whereas loving service is internally motivated. It comes from a heartfelt desire to give one’s time and energy to others, not out of obligation but out of compassion and love.

Acts of service are a gift, not a necessity. They are performed freely, without coercion. When service is offered with resentment or bitterness, while it may fulfill the recipient’s physical needs, the emotional connection is diminished. Service must be given with a spirit of generosity and love for it to resonate fully on an emotional level.

In Luke 10:33-34 (NLT), we see the example of the Good Samaritan:
“Then a despised Samaritan came along, and when he saw the man, he felt compassion for him. Going over to him, the Samaritan soothed his wounds with olive oil and wine and bandaged them. Then he put the man on his own donkey and took him to an inn, where he took care of him.”
Here, the Good Samaritan’s act of service toward the wounded man is a perfect demonstration of love in action. The Samaritan had no obligation to help the man, yet he chose to do so freely, from a place of compassion.

The Good Samaritan’s Example of Loving Service:

• The priest and the Levite who saw the wounded man did not help him because they didn’t feel obligated. They were indifferent.
• The Samaritan, however, saw the man’s need and acted out of love, not duty, making his service a true gift. This reflects the essence of loving service—it is given willingly, out of compassion, and not because it is required.

Biblical Examples of Acts of Service:

1. Elisha and the Woman at Shunem:
   In 2 Kings 4:8-10 (NLT), we read about a wealthy woman from Shunem who extended hospitality to the prophet Elisha.
   “One day Elisha went to the town of Shunem. A wealthy woman lived there, and she urged him to come to her home for a meal. After that, whenever he passed that way, he would stop there for something to eat.”
   This act of service was voluntary and joyful. The woman didn’t serve Elisha out of obligation but out of genuine love and respect. She even convinced her husband to build a room for Elisha so he could stay whenever he visited. Not only did she meet Elisha’s physical needs, but she also established a meaningful emotional connection with him, as seen when Elisha offers to do her a favor in return.
2. Abraham’s Hospitality to Angels:
   Another example comes from Genesis 18:2-8 (NLT), where Abraham showed hospitality to three angels.
   “He looked up and noticed three men standing nearby. When he saw them, he ran to meet them and welcomed them, bowing low to the ground. ‘My lord,’ he said, ‘if it pleases you, stop here for a while. Rest in the shade of this tree while water is brought to wash your feet.’”
   Abraham didn’t hesitate to serve these visitors. He quickly prepared a meal for them, involving his wife Sarah and a servant in the process. His act of service was done with enthusiasm and honor, treating the angels as special guests.

In both examples, service was rendered not out of obligation but from a place of love, respect, and devotion.

Acts of service, when performed with genuine care, meet not only physical needs but also foster deep emotional connections. Whether it’s a small gesture like preparing a meal or a larger act like offering a place to stay, these acts of love communicate care, attention, and respect. They create bonds between people, showing that love is not just a feeling but an action.

Serving others with love, without expecting anything in return, is one of the most profound ways to express emotional love. When done freely and with compassion, acts of service enrich relationships, build emotional connections, and reflect the greatness that comes from serving selflessly. Just as the Good Samaritan, the woman of Shunem, and Abraham all demonstrated, service is an expression of love that leaves a lasting impact on both the giver and the recipient.

#5 Gifts

The Greek word for “gift,” charis, translates to “grace” or an “undeserved gift.” By its very nature, a true gift is not something earned or deserved. It is given freely, out of a desire to express unconditional love. Gifts are not transactional—giving someone something in exchange for work or as part of a trade is not truly a gift; it is a debt. The act of gift-giving is a gesture that transcends material value, focusing instead on the emotional meaning behind it.

The purpose of giving a gift is not just to transfer an object from one person to another. Rather, it is a way to communicate a deeper emotional message: “I care about you, I value you, I love you.” The true impact of a gift lies not in its monetary value but in the thought, effort, and intention behind it. The emotional significance of a gift is often enhanced by the way it is presented. The ceremony or moment of giving can add to the experience, making the recipient feel special and cherished.

A beautiful example of a meaningful gift is found in the story of Jacob and Joseph. In Genesis 37:3 (NLT), we read:
“Jacob loved Joseph more than any of his other children because Joseph had been born to him in his old age. So one day Jacob had a special gift made for Joseph—a beautiful robe.”

Jacob’s gift to Joseph was not just a piece of clothing; it symbolized his special love for his son. The robe served as a constant reminder of the unique bond between them, making it more than just a material possession—it was an emblem of Jacob’s deep affection for Joseph.

When we give gifts, we aim to convey a message of love and importance. We want the recipient to feel valued, loved, and understood. A gift, regardless of its size or cost, carries the emotional weight of the relationship and reflects the giver’s thoughtfulness. It’s not about how much the gift is worth, but about how much love and consideration went into choosing it.

Receiving gifts, when done with love and thoughtfulness, is a powerful way to express emotional love. The true beauty of a gift lies not in the object itself, but in the emotions it represents. Whether it’s a carefully selected present or a spontaneous token of appreciation, the act of giving a gift is one of the simplest yet most profound ways to say, “You matter to me.”

Finding someone’s primary love language

1. Ask Questions

Questions may be your greatest ally in the effort to discover someone’s primary love language.

2. Make Observations

Consciously observe the behavior of people. Look for ways in which he expresses love or appreciation to others. Keep notes on what you observe.

eg: If you find that five times in the last month, your friend has given a gift to someone else, there is a good chance that his love language is gifts.

Most people have a tendency to speak their own love language.

Be sure to observe the complaints of people. What a person complains about is a clue to his or her primary love language.

eg: In Will’s conversation to his father when he said, “But sometimes I feel like I don’t ever please you. No matter how hard I work, what I get is criticism from you. I know you want me to do my best, but when you constantly criticize me, I feel like giving up.” Will’s complaints reveal that his love language is words of affirmation. He was complaining not only about his father’s criticisms, but also that he seldom gives compliments.

Also, be sure to observe the requests of a person. What a person requests most often indicates her primary love language.

eg: When thirteenyear-old Peter asks, “Dad, when are we going on another camping trip?” or “When can we go fishing again?” or “Can we play catch now?” he is revealing that his primary love language is quality time

3. Experiment

A third way to discover a your friend’s primary love language is to experiment by focusing on one of the five love languages each week and observing their response.

During the week that you are speaking your friend’s primary love language, you will see a difference in your friend’s countenance and attitude toward you. The love tank is being filled, and the he/she is responding far more warmly to you than normal.

Another experiment is to give the people choices between two options and keep a record of what they choose.

Once you have discovered your someone’s primary love language, you will want to learn as many dialects (different ways of speaking this language) as you can.

Why some people seem to change their primary love language?

1. The person may be drawing back from the love language that earlier seemed to fill his/her love tank.

It may be due to fluctuating moods, thoughts and desires, emerging independence, and developing self-identity. In fact, the teen may temporarily draw back not only from his primary love language but also from all expressions of love.

1. When a person is receiving enough of his primary love language, the secondary love language then becomes more important.
2. We orginally misread the other person’s love language.

Now let’s see how God and Jesus express the 5 love languages:

The 5 Love Languages of God

#1 Word of Affirmation

In the Bible, God expresses love through Words of Affirmation, providing reassurance, encouragement, and approval. One powerful example is during the baptism of Jesus.

Luke 3:21-22 (AMP):
“Now when all the people were baptized, Jesus was also baptized, and while He was praying, the [visible] heaven was opened, [22] and the Holy Spirit descended on Him in bodily form like a dove, and a voice came from heaven, ‘You are My Son, My Beloved, in You I am well-pleased and delighted!’”
God’s voice from heaven affirmed His love and approval for Jesus, offering words that conveyed both pride and affection.

#2 Touch

Throughout scripture, God uses Touch to guide, protect, and show compassion. The physical touch of angels, or God’s presence through divine intervention, often reassured and saved His people.

Genesis 19:16 (NLT):
“When Lot still hesitated, the angels seized his hand and the hands of his wife and two daughters and rushed them to safety outside the city, for the LORD was merciful.”
Here, God’s mercy is expressed through the angels physically pulling Lot and his family to safety. This act of touch ensured their survival.

1 Kings 19:7 (NLT):
“Then the angel of the LORD came again and touched him and said, ‘Get up and eat some more, or the journey ahead will be too much for you.’”
The angel’s touch and instruction empowered Elijah to continue his mission, offering both physical and emotional strength.

Acts 12:7 (NLT):
“Suddenly, there was a bright light in the cell, and an angel of the Lord stood before Peter. The angel struck him on the side to awaken him and said, ‘Quick! Get up!’ And the chains fell off his wrists.”
In Peter’s imprisonment, God’s angel used physical touch to awaken him and release him from chains.

#3 Quality Time

God values Quality Time with His people, and this can be seen in His interactions with Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. God consistently sought close communion with them, walking with them in the garden.

Genesis 3:8 (NLT):
“When the cool evening breezes were blowing, the man and his wife heard the LORD God walking about in the garden. So they hid from the LORD God among the trees.”
God’s desire to spend quality time with Adam and Eve reflects His longing for deep, personal relationships with His creation.

#4 Acts of Service

God shows His love through Acts of Service, often by sending angels and performing miracles to care for His people.

Hebrews 1:14 (NLT):
“Therefore, angels are only servants—spirits sent to care for people who will inherit salvation.”
God has created angels to serve and care for humanity, offering assistance and protection as a sign of His love.

#5 Gifts

The greatest Gift God ever gave was His only Son, Jesus Christ. Through this act, God demonstrated the depth of His love for humanity.

John 3:16 (NLT):
“For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.”
This ultimate gift of Jesus Christ brought salvation and eternal life to the world, highlighting God’s unconditional love and generosity.

The 5 Love Languages of Jesus in Ministry

#1 Word of Affirmation

Jesus often used Words of Affirmation to strengthen and encourage people during His ministry.

Matthew 15:28 (ERV):
“Then Jesus answered, ‘Woman, you have great faith! You will get what you asked for.’ And right then the woman’s daughter was healed.”
Jesus’ words affirmed the Canaanite woman’s faith, providing both emotional encouragement and a miraculous healing.

#2 Touch

Jesus frequently healed through Touch, even reaching out to those considered untouchable, like lepers.

Matthew 8:3 (NLT):
“Jesus reached out and touched him. ‘I am willing,’ he said. ‘Be healed!’ And instantly the leprosy disappeared.”
This act of touch not only brought physical healing but also emotional restoration to those who were outcast from society.

#3 Quality Time

Jesus valued Quality Time with people, seeking meaningful interactions that went beyond surface-level engagement.

Luke 19:5 (NLT):
“When Jesus came by, he looked up at Zacchaeus and called him by name. ‘Zacchaeus!’ he said. ‘Quick, come down! I must be a guest in your home today.’”
Jesus intentionally spent time with Zacchaeus, showing the importance of personal attention and connection.

#4 Acts of Service

Jesus consistently served others, often putting their needs above His own.

Matthew 20:26-28 (NLT):
“But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, [27] and whoever wants to be first among you must become your slave. [28] For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
Jesus taught and demonstrated that greatness comes from serving others, even washing the feet of His disciples to show humility and love.

#5 Gifts

Jesus gave many Gifts during His ministry, whether through physical provision or spiritual blessing.

Matthew 17:24-27 (NLT):
“On their arrival in Capernaum, the collectors of the Temple tax came to Peter and asked him, ‘Doesn’t your teacher pay the Temple tax?’ [25] ‘Yes, he does,’ Peter replied. Then he went into the house. But before he had a chance to speak, Jesus asked him, ‘What do you think, Peter? Do kings tax their own people or the people they have conquered?’ [26] ‘They tax the people they have conquered,’ Peter replied. ‘Well, then,’ Jesus said, ‘the citizens are free! [27] However, we don’t want to offend them, so go down to the lake and throw in a line. Open the mouth of the first fish you catch, and you will find a large silver coin. Take it and pay the tax for both of us.’”
In this instance, Jesus provided for Peter’s material need by miraculously gifting the coin to pay the tax.

Romans 5:5 (NLT):
“And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.”

The Holy Spirit is yet another gift from God, a constant presence in our lives to fill us with His love

Understanding the 5 Love Languages of God and how Jesus demonstrated them in His ministry helps us better appreciate how we receive and give love, both in human relationships and in our relationship with God. Each love language—whether it’s through words, touch, time, service, or gifts—reflects the many ways God expresses His love for us.

By recognizing these love languages in scripture, we are encouraged to love others in practical, meaningful ways, and to deepen our own spiritual lives as we learn to receive God’s love fully. Trust in God to fill your heart with love and help you love others better, just as He loves us unconditionally.